When i woke up the following morning the spotting that i had seemed to have worsen, there was a lot of pressure in my vagina and i had a sudden urge to take a hot shower in which i did. Immediately after i went to the emergency room. I was taken up to labor and delivery to be examined that's when i was told i'm 3cm dilated and my water bag was protruding.They placed me in a room by myself with my legs somewhat above my head hoping gravity would push my water bag back in.I couldn't eat or move.I remained in that position for two days. I knew i was losing the baby that i wanted so much. Finally I was allowed to eat but couldn't get out of bed .

My fifth day in the hospital while talking on the phone to one of my girlfriends my water bag broke, that's when i knew the end was finally here. They rushed me to the delivery room, a quick sonogram was done both doctors looked at each other and kept silent the baby had died and was far down in my vagina, with three pushes the baby was out. I saw the baby for one quick second after which she was placed into a bucket and taken away. My placenta refused to come out so pitocin was started, nothing happened.The doctors told me a D&C had to be done.Iwas given a couple of pictures of my baby and was sent home two days later which happened to be two days before christmas.

As time went on it was hard getting over the lost of my baby, i became depressed lost weight and just wasn't myself anymore. I kept asking myself why me,why god, why you did this to me i don't deserve it .Thanks to my wonderful husband he helped me through this ordeal.

Three months later i was pregnant again. I said to myself i'm not going to let anything happen to this one.I started going to the best high risk clinic in Westchester NY. It took me about 45 minutes to get there from the bronx which i didn't mind because i knew they were the best.My appointments were every two weeks.Everything was going smoothly no signs of bleeding, no sharp pains everything was fine.One afternoon i got a phone call that my mom was dying due to kidney failure. I knew she was ill but i didn't think things would have worsen so quickly.Her doctors were even talking about amputating her leg in which they did eventually.I was 23 weeks into my pregnancy when i got the news, immediately i broke down in tears, i must have cried all afternoon.

Later on that night i went to the bathroom and there was blood, my worst fears had happened i couldn't believe my nightmares were about to start. Once again i was rushed to the emergency room, and was told the same thing you're dilated and your water bag was protruding.At this point i felt like i didn't want to live anymore i wanted to die.They tried to save my pregnancy.I was schedule for surgery to put in a cerclage which is a stitch to sew my cervix .Five minutes before the surgery i started passing big blood clots the bleeding was extremely heavy. I guess this was just mother nature way of telling me you're not going to have this baby.All of a sudden i had an urge to push that's when my son was born at 1lb. They attempted to resuscitate him but he did not breathe.

Once again i had another loss. I felt like i disappointed my husband, i thought he was going to leave for another woman, i had became paranoid. When i got back home i started having nightmares i would hear a baby crying and jump out of my sleep crying all my husband can do was comfort me. No one understands the pain of losing a baby unless you've had the same experience. Three weeks after my miscarriage my mother passed away at age 50. I tried to get my life back together,started a new job everything was fine

AUGUST of '98 i decided to go see an ob/gyn to find out the cause of me miscarrying. A simple vaginal examination revealed that my cervix was short, it was half the size of a normal cervix. That's why when i reached a certain stage in pregnancy i start having painless dilation because my cervix couldn't support the pregnancy as it got heavier. At my visit to this Dr. i told him i'm going to try one more time i started taking prenatal vitamins so my body can have a lot of folic acid to prevent spina bifida when i did get pregnant. Four weeks later i got pregnant. At 14 wks i had the MacDonald Cerclage placed in me.It was an experience i will never forget. I was awake for the procedure which took about 25 minutes, the anesthesia was given in my spine. Before the procedure the dr's and nurses counseled me on the possibilities of my water bag rupturing, infection, stitches loosening, premature labor, internal bleeding, but i didn't care, all i wanted was a baby.They discharged me about 2 1/2 hrs later,i bleed slightly by the next day it was all gone.

The next morning i had very severe headaches which continued for two more days, my Dr. told me to take tylenol regular strength which i refused thinking i would harm the baby.Everything is going smoothly except for a lot of pressure which had me confined to bed. At 21wks blood was taken to check my alphaprotein level which detects any abnormalities of the fetus. My results came back stating their was a possibility that my baby may have down syndrome, the ratio was 1 in 100 that of a 35 yr old woman and i was only 24 yrs at that time. I broke down in tears, immediately i stopped and said to myself if i keep crying i might start having premature labor.

My doctor advised me to have an amniocenthesis in which i did. It would take two weeks for the results to come in, it felt like forever. Then one day i received a phone call from the lab, i was told that my baby didn't have down syndrome and i was having a girl. I started to cry but they were tears of joy.

I continued my visits to the dr which were two times out of the week. Sometimes i would go there for no reason just to be on the safe side. At 32 wks i went to labor and delivery complaining of dizziness. At home i had took my blood pressure and it was high, but when they took it was fine. Immediately they hook me up to the monitor to check for contractions but there wasn't any,so i was sent home and had to follow up at the hospital for a non-stress test. Each time i took this test my baby would not move she would move but it wasn't enough.They had me eat, shook my abdomen but nothing, this continued for four more weeks.A sonogram revealed my baby had IUGR(Intrauterine growth retardation) meaning she was not growing at the rate she suppose to. Finally they said that's it we're going to induce labor. Pitocin was started at 5pm Tuesday afternoon and i delivered at 6:21am the following morning. She weighed 5lbs 9ozs and was 18 3/4 inches, D.O.B 5-19-99. She remained in the hospital for a week because she had fluid in her lungs plus she had jaundice.

Today 8 1/2 months later my daughter now weighs 23lbs, has four teeth, she's trying to stand up, sometimes she does and falls right back down. She looks just like her daddy and she's spoiled rotten and most of all she's mummy's third angel.

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UPDATE:03/25/00. My daughter is now 11 months. Right about now she has 5 teeth. She's trying to walk she holds on to furniture and walk. She's a little scared of falling and cries sometimes.Being a stay at home mom has made it very difficult for me because my daughter is extremely spoiled and it's hard to break it out of her. Sometimes i can't get my houswork done because she cries for my complete attention. She's my pride and joy but i made the decision to stay home until she's a year then go back to work.