[Meet the players week - 12/12/2005
This week the hardworking players are taking time off after a hard semester of football. If you want to meet your 'heroes' you can find them at a variety of (drinking) establishments. Look out in particular at Pub Ox, The City Arms and The Cricketers. Also, they will be in Fuzzys on Wednesday for autographs and K2 Kebabs after closing or being kicked out. Be wary of the players at these times as it will be unlikely if they can communicate and they may be violent. You have been warned! However to get on their good side buy them a snakebite or Carling and theyll be yours!!]
[Chris Brake is weak - 10/12/2005
Chris 'low pain threshold' Brake is out of the squad yet again for this weekend's coming game against Crescent. In what was a slight ankle injury which even Graham Norton would play with the big guy seems to have had his balls cut off. Heyfordia manager Wayne Kerr is disappointed with the new signing who is yet to make an appearance for the Blues.]
['Naan injured in horror challenge' - 4/12/2005
Inspirational midfielder Naan was injured in Sunday's game against the Physios in what Heyfordia management are calling disgraceful. Naan may well be out for some time and his dancing at Park End and Fuzzys sure to be affected. The FA are looking into the incident.]
['Przeslawski drugged?' - 3/12/2005
Polish defender Alex Przeslawski is claiming he was drugged by the opposition on Friday evening after an 'incident'. He says it was a ploy to put him off Sunday's clash against the Physios. Other sources say he got so drunk he pist himself.]
['Heyfordia finally score!' - 24/11/2005
Towering defender Dan Bevan opened up his account in todays game against Bludgeon United. In what was a poor game all round Heyfordia played like a bunch of blind lesbians in a fish market. However at last one of our home grown players has scored when all previous scorers were dodgy 'loan' signings.]
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